I’d like to share my thoughts on the book Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
I thoroughly enjoyed this treatise of introverts versus extroverts. Filled with personal anecdotes as well as pertinent research and scientific theory, the book tells the story of introverted people and their quiet power.
My main takeaway is the idea of sensitivities—both externally and internally focused—and how they motivate, describe, and prescribe our interactions with the world and other people.
Reward-sensitivity, as described in the book as a sign of extroversion, is something I can relate to. Pleasure seeking and excitement overrules your better judgement; I am impulsive at times and do things for immediate satisfaction. I need to learn the lesson from quieter spirits who pause for important feedback in order to be able to learn from it. Sometimes worrying about consequences and long-term results can lead to a better decision.
Cain also tells of people who are rejection sensitive being warm and loving when they feel secure, yet hostile and controlling when they feel rejected. Food for thought, at what point does controlling our behavior become futile or exhausting?
Introverts like people they meet in friendly contexts, extroverts prefer those they compete with.
This was a poignant reminder for me—I tend to both sides of the spectrum depending on the context, and it’s a good practice to look closely at my motivations and see how I’m acting. Is it appropriate? Out of touch?
I can relate to both reward sensitivity and rejection sensitivity. I feel like sometimes I’m critical of other people because I’m nervous that they’ll be critical of me. As a better way, I should be careful not to point out their mistakes and instead find gentler ways to communicate it. Or, just let it go and no longer try to be right but try to be happy.
Sometimes it pays to be quiet and gracious, to listen more than talk and you have an instinct for harmony rather than conflict. With this style you can take aggressive positions without inflaming your counterpart’s ego.
…by listening you can learn what’s truly motivating the person you’re negotiating with and come up with creative solutions to satisfy both parties.
Another idea described in the book is that of “free traits”—if something’s important to you, such as a service of love or a professional calling—you can put on the extroversion when you need it, and it isn’t fake because you’re being true to something that you love.
I absolutely loved the conclusion, titled “Wonderland”—it is inspiring and sums up the book nicely. I printed it out… To see what I mean, you’ll have to read the book.
I borrowed Quiet for a first read; I’ll be buying my own copy to dive into it again.